Intervals
by Nocturnalux
Summary: Collection of my shorter fics, already published on kink meme. Ranging from very dark to pure crack.
1. Gravity

**Characters:** Izaya, Light

**Prompt:** Death Note crossover. Someone is killing off his beloved humans. Izaya dislikes this.

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><p><strong>Gravity<strong>

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><p>Izaya was not a happy boy. The mysterious deaths were all over the news, which was already annoying enough, but when he had one of his beloved humans die on the spot right before he convinced her to jump off a building Izaya just knew that he had had enough of this. It was about time he put an end to this.<br>That was how he found himself stalking a certain Yagami Light. Izaya figured out the deal with his magical note of wonders almost right away. Instead of wasting time with long soliloquies, dramatic music ensembles with Latin chorus and even more dramatic scribbling, he simply acted like the gossiping informant he was and got Celty to ask around the place where the Shinigami hung out. Headless riders were related to death gods, he was sure. After getting rid of the Mini-Lights (including a particularly stressed out bespectacled fellow that clearly needed to unwind a bit) and the creepy shouta detective (perhaps the creepiest person Izaya had ever encountered) he had cleared all the preliminaries. So he sent a letter to Light and waited for him on top of his favorite skyscraper.  
>Izaya had to give credit when credit was due, Light was punctual.<br>"Hello, Light-kun!"  
>"Are you the one who called me out here?"<br>"Indeed I am."  
>"Ha! Just as planned! I've written your name in my Death Note so you'll die in four, three, two, one-"<br>"Argh! Heart attack! No wait, I feel fine now."  
>Some wild gesticulation from Light.<br>"How can you be alive?"  
>"You see, Light-kun. I exchanged your death note with a fake death note, then I replaced that with another note for kinks, then I made confetti out of a few more notes, and then I took the real note and made origami."<br>Izaya produced a paper swan. Light thought very fast.  
>"I see. You must want to pledge your loyalty to Kira if you haven't used the real note to kill me yet."<br>"Not really. Look, I also made a bunny."  
>Light wondered, maybe this fellow was pretending to be an idiot to get him to lower his guard. Clearly he had some hidden agenda. All was well, all he had to do was figure him out to eliminate him. The weird unfaltering smile made him slightly nervous.<br>"An origami rabbit?"  
>"Oh my, I am floored at your power of observation. You clearly are a genius. Whee."<br>Izaya flapped around wildly as if he was about to take flight. Light was too stunned to even remember that he was supposed to be alert at all times.  
>"What are you doing? Are you insane?"<br>"Light-kun, Light-kun, guess what? Do you know about gravity?"  
>"What about it?"<br>Here it was, a trick question. Light was confident that he was working his way around this craziness and making progress.  
>"Gravity is amazing! It's so democratic, too!"<br>"What are you going on about-"  
>Izaya gave him a hard shove. And thus Light went flying off the roof and straight into the concrete a hundred floors below.<br>"Bye bye Light-kun! Don't forget this important lesson! Smart people fall as hard as dumb ones!"  
>Izaya skipped away merrily. Ryuk watched him leave and had one thing to say:<br>"Now _that_ human really is interesting."


	2. And it's yours

**Pairing:** Shizuo/Izaya

**Prompt:** Shizu-chan and Izaya having hate-sex with some... consequences :D It appears that Izaya is pregnant (but he still is man, you know)~~ Shizuo discovers it by chance and wants to be a good father

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><p><strong>And it's yours<strong>

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><p>"You're…you're what…?"<br>Shizuo's cigarette dropped from between his lips. Izaya tapped his foot on the ground.  
>"I told you already! I'm pregnant!"<br>Shizuo kept gaping. Surely he was having the strangest dream ever.  
>"But…how is that possible?"<br>"This is why I told you to wear a condom! But do you ever pay attention to what I say? No!"  
>"But…are you sure?"<br>"Of course I'm sure! I've taken the test not once, not twice but three times."  
>"Okay…calm down?"<br>Izaya started angrily.  
>"Calm down? Calm down? Easy for you to say! I'm still in high school! What am I supposed to do?"<br>"I don't think that's the problem here…I mean, you're a guy-"  
>"Last time I told you not to come inside me. Damn you and your damned libido. You better help me pay for the abortion."<br>Shizuo let his second cigarette fall.  
>"You're not keeping the baby?"<br>"Gee, aren't you a genius to have figured that out! I'll ask how much it costs, Shinra should know."  
>"But I think I'd make a good father…I mean, the kid is mine…right?"<br>Izaya slapped him hard across the face, knocking out the third cancer stick.  
>"Of course it is! So now you're saying I'm a whore? Will you take responsibility for your actions!"<br>Shizuo rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Maybe now was the time to stop smoking altogether.  
>"I want to keep the baby and raise him…or her."<br>Izaya narrowed his eyes.  
>"Fine! I'll give birth to it- somehow, but I want nothing to do with any kids! Is that clear?"<br>"…sure."  
>Shizuo had heard that pregnancies made one cranky and he was beginning to realize that it was indeed so.<p>

"Congratulations, Izaya! You're carrying twins!"  
>"Oh hell."<br>Shinra rubbed his hands and glowed at the sonogram, two tiny grayish areas pointing out the budding lives that contradicted every single thing about human biology. Shizuo nearly passed out.  
>"Twins?"<br>"Yes! It's a double miracle of nature! Izaya has twins in his family after all but I'm sure they were born from a woman."  
>Izaya rolled his eyes. A few months had passed and he was not happy. Not happy at all. Shizuo dialed his cell phone.<br>"Hello? Kasuka, you're going to be an uncle…twice! We're having twins! Aw, isn't it great?"  
>From the Izaya replied even though no one was talking to him,<br>"No it's not _great_, idiot."  
>"Shinra, can we print these pics? And we should start thinking about names. Any ideas, Izaya?"<br>"Accident 1 and Accident 2."  
>Shizuo frowned.<br>"That's not very nice. Can you tell the gender already?"  
>He proceeded to glue himself to the machine. Izaya felt like puking and it was not morning sickness either.<br>"It's still hard to tell."  
>"I want girls, baby girls are so cute."<br>Izaya rolled his eyes even more.  
>"Whatever. Just get these things out of me."<br>Shizuo glowed, he was sure he'd be the best father ever.

Shizuo was counting on Izaya having a change of mind when he actually saw the babies but he did not expect them to look like mini Izayas. Down to the red eyes.  
>"They are adorable after all! I was afraid they'd look like you, Shizu-chan! But no, they're pure Orihara material through and through!"<br>"Erm…"  
>"Ha, serves you right. They're boys. Which means, baby suits with fur!"<br>Indeed Izaya had dressed up the children in baby versions of his trademark jacket and he now waltzed around with them, one on each arm.  
>"Be careful! They'll fall!"<br>"Nonsense, nonsense! Let's go to school and show them off!"  
>And with this Izaya dragged Shizuo. The first person they found was Kadota.<br>"Dotachin, look! Little Izayas!"  
>"I'm a parent as well, how come you're stealing the spotlight-"<br>"Look, they can already walk! Maybe parkour, too!"  
>Izaya placed the one day old babies on the floor and puzzled greatly as they fell flat on their faces and began to cry.<br>"What are you doing?"  
>Kadota stared with his mouth ajar.<br>"They're your…your children…?"  
>"Yes! You take them now, Shizu-chan."<br>Kadota grew gloomy.  
>"You're already parents, can't believe it…I'm still a virgin…"<br>Shizuo tried to appease the kids but clearly it was not easy.  
>"There, there. Hush now. Izaya, help!"<br>"Oh yes, we need names now! We can take a vote! How about, 'Tiny Izaya 1' and 'Tiny Izaya 2'?"  
>Kadota studied the shrieking babies.<br>"Are you sure they're yours as well….? It's like Izaya split into three."  
>As if to prove the point one of the babies piped,<br>"Dota-chin!"  
>And the other immediately picked up the chant,<br>"Dota-chin, Dota-chin!"  
>Shinra popped out with Celty.<br>"Celty, look! Aren't they adorable?"  
>"'They are Izaya clones. The world is doomed.'"<br>Izaya skipped around Celty.  
>"Do you guys have any ideas for names?"<br>"Aw, seeing them makes me want to start my own family! Right, Celty?"  
>She flung the PDA in his face,<br>"'NO'."  
>"Shizu-chan, I can't tell them apart! So let's give them the same name!"<br>"What the hell?"  
>The babies saw fit to chew on Shizuo's uniform<br>"You shouldn't swear around children. Names, names!"  
>"How about normal names like…Hikaru or Takahiro."<br>"Bo-ring! Magenta 1 and Magenta 2!"  
>"No numbers!"<br>"You're no fun, Shizu-chan. Okay, who is your favourite character?"  
>"Ladd, I guess."<br>"Okay! One of them is Ladd! I get to name the other one!"  
>"I guess that's fine, just don't make it weird."<br>"Iza-nyan!"  
>And so the happy underage family set to its happy ways. On Saturdays uncle Kasuka babysat, his expression never changing even as the fantastic duo ate the furniture, on Sundays Mairu and Kururi took charge of them and introduced the acrobatic skill of 'baby juggling' much to Shizuo's horror. In other words: A happy family indeed.<p> 


	3. Will you hurt me, please?

**Pairing:** Mikado/Kida

**Prompt:** Kida is feeling really distracted and depressed, so during sex he asks Mikado to hurt him/choke him/make him bleed, etc, as s sense of relief and/or punishment

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><p><strong>Will you hurt me, please?<strong>

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><p>The bed creaks slightly. A weak sound that does not camouflage heavy breathing and an occasional moan. Mikado is still not used to this and he does not know whether he will ever be. Their bodies are entangled in a rhythm of flesh hitting flesh. Orange light, slanted because sundown is sliding into darkness, flits upon a discarded pile of clothes, a few CD covers, Kida's skin and eyes that are wide open. But peering past Mikado. Even as Kida lies under him, even as Mikado fills him over and over again in an act of intimacy that he has not quite mastered, Mikado can tell that his lover's mind is not here. Roaming elsewhere.<br>Mikado can read all the signs of arousal in Kida. From the dripping erection that sways with the rocking motion to the way Kida clutches for air but still something is off. Mikado slows down. It is difficult but he cannot keep up this fast pace for too long without it being too much nor could he do what he does now, give Kida a deep kiss that still demands being still. Kida replies readily enough, responding with what feels like practiced ease to Mikado. Try as he may, Mikado does not like the fact that he was not Kida's first. He hesitates now to ask what is wrong. Asking is already admitting it and Mikado caresses his cheek in lieu of a question.  
>"Neh, Mikado…will you do something for me?"<br>Kida speaks normally and that is doubly shocking. Because it contradicts the moment- Mikado still inside him- and because it contradicts Kida in its understated tone.  
>"What is it, Kida?"<br>"Will you hurt me, please?"  
>Mikado almost withdraws completely. He feels terrified with a suddenness that he realizes is long overdue. He stalls for time. As if he had not wasted enough time chasing empty shadows.<br>"What…?"  
>"I want you to hurt me."<br>Mikado forces himself into a shaky smile.  
>"Is this some sort of kink of yours?"<br>It already afflicts Mikado considerably that sex involves pain and he had burnt hours away reading on ways to minimize that even before Kida consented to doing this. An empty bottle of lube is on the bedside table and next to it are two full ones. Mikado believes in being prepared. He carries condoms in abundance. But nothing could have prepared him for this blank candor with which Kida adds,  
>"It's not so much a kink as a need, I guess. I don't suppose you've got a switchblade?"<br>If it is a joke it is a horrible one.  
>"You want me to cut you?"<br>Absurd words.  
>"Yes. I suppose a ballpoint pen will do the job as well."<br>"Why?"  
>Kida looks at him directly for the first time since foreplay. Focused eyes.<br>"There are times when I hate myself. For…everything. When that happens I need some sort of relief."  
>"But-"<br>"If you're not going to do it then just get this over and I'll do it myself."  
>Mikado winces. He hesitates. There is something almost insulting to Kida's passivity. It is self-centered and turns what they are doing into an afterthought of sorts. As if it did not mean so much. Mikado decides that while he cannot possibly understand this he cannot afford Kida to turn sharp objects on himself.<br>"I- are you sure-"  
>"Yes."<br>Mikado reaches for a pen without looking at it. He tests the tip for sharpness before tentatively bringing it to Kida's chest where it slips on sweat, whose Mikado cannot even tell.  
>"If it gets too painful- tell me right away. Okay, Kida?"<br>Mikado only drops honorifics during sex.  
>"Don't worry about that. And move."<br>The line of blood that he draws over soft skin is bright red and it frightens Mikado so much that he cannot obey. Kida crosses his legs over Mikado's lower back and easily urges him to penetrate deeper. The ease that results from experience, Mikado is reminded. Kida bites his lower lip until it bleeds and Mikado kisses him as if to cure him, as he had done in another life when they were kids and Kida had scrapped his knee by falling near the blue river and the taste of blood is still the same: bitter, salty, heavy.  
>"Mikado- hurt me more."<br>Tears patter the cut as Mikado softly weeps. He has to muster all courage to extend the shallow wound until it is a line over the width of his chest. Ink drips into the red. A bluish mark. Kida laces his hands around Mikado, arms wrapping him, and whispers into his ear,  
>"Bite me."<br>Kida guides him to a shoulder and gently strokes his hair.  
>"I can't- I can't, Kida!"<br>Guilt makes Mikado disgusted at the lust that does not alleviate. He is burning inside Kida.  
>"Yes you can. For me? Please?"<br>Vaguely, Mikado is aware that he is being manipulated. He grazes slightly, teeth barely brushing, and Kida moans.  
>"Like that. Just- deeper. Like how you fuck me, Mikado."<br>He has to close his eyes to comply. The crass choice of words saddens him more than anything. He adds pressure, slowly, until he breaks through skin and blood pours out. Mikado brings himself to look at Kida now as tries to stop the ceaseless bleeding with a sheet. Toes curl, head tossed back, a tensing of the muscles and then Kida is climaxing silently. Hot semen mingles with hot blood, a cycle enmeshed in the very fabric of life now turned upside down. Irrevocably so.  
>Mikado's own orgasm is a mere reaction to stimuli, to the heightened tightness that topples him over. His mind is washed empty of thoughts in dawning horror. He withdraws immediately, tossing a condom to the side- and Mikado is the kind to bring a plastic bag just for the purpose of discarding these- running to get the first aid kit that he cannot even open before a few deep breaths to steady his shaking hands.<br>"Kida, are you okay? I'm sorry, I am _so_ sorry, Kida-"  
>"Hey, hey, chill. It's alright. Thank you."<br>Mikado wipes the mess only to make another one with oxygenated water that he ends up letting fall on the mattress as he bandages up Kida. He can hear sleepy contentment in Kida's voice, the lazy kind of satisfaction of an afterglow and it is all too much for him to bear.  
>"How can you possibly thank me? What- what is wrong with you. Kida, why won't you talk to me?"<br>Kida smiles and yawns.  
>"I'm sorry I got you to do this. But it's okay, Mikado."<br>It is a blatant lie. Mikado wants to call him out on that but he does not have the strength. He watches Kida sink into sleep, a faint smile on broken lips. The sun is sunken below the jagged skyline of this city of vice and a grey shadow covers the dimly lit room. Mikado covers Kida with a blanket. He hears a name spoken from the other side of dreams. It is not his own. But he recognizes it. Three syllables.  
>Mikado closes his eyes. He knows that Kida cannot hear him. That is why he can speak at all.<br>"You're selfish. So selfish. Don't you know that if I hurt you I'm hurting myself even more?"  
>He kisses his forehead and sits next to him. At some time in the deep of the night that descends upon them with non-soothing darkness Mikado realizes just how utterly alone he truly is. Quietly he cries and is careful to be silent lest he wakes up Kida. There are no wounds on Mikado's body but he knows that he will never heal from this. Next to his lover Ryugamine Mikado weeps. And the night proves very long indeed.<p> 


	4. Tr00 Love

**Pairing:** Shizuo/Izaya

**Prompt: **Shizuo finally decides to give the internet a try and immediately hits it up with some nice girl. Cybersex ensues. The catch? Her username is Kanra. Yes, Izaya's GIRL troll account. Bonus points if Kanra reveals "she" was totally trolling him post-cybering.

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><p><strong>Tr00 Love<strong>

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><p>If someone had told Shizuo a week ago that he'd ever be spending up to three hours of his precious free time everyday typing naughty things in a cyber café, he would have laughed them off and leave it at that. But here he was, on the booth farthest removed from the entrance, nervous like a middle schooler on his first date as he waited for Kanra to log in. He wasn't exactly sure how it had happened but somehow things have evolved from as/l to 'I'm gonna suck you dry'. Not that Shizuo was complaining, it was never easy for him to meet nice girls, but it was still bit a weird. And he was dying for a picture. He perked up immediately as soon as the sound alert accompanied the message KANRA HAS ENTERED THE CHAT.

KANRA: Hello, Shizuo-san! Wait long?

SHIZUO: I just got here.

KANRA: I see! I'm glad!

SHIZUO: How you doing?

KANRA: Fine, thanks. Say, Shizuo-san…today I was thinking about you…

SHIZUO: What did you think?

It boggled the mind how fast Kanra could type. He had no idea that it was even possible to handle a keyboard like this.

KANRA: Well…I was thinking of putting on a nice dress that you'd like.

SHIZUO: What's the dress like?

Shizuo also did not exactly understand why Kanra always more or less forced him to ask a ton of questions before getting to the juicy parts. There were times when he had a strange suspicious that he was being toyed with but it did not even matter much because it was a world of fun. And it beat all the drunkard sluts he had to put up at work.

KANRA: It's black and sleeveless, knee length with a slit on the side. And fur fringe.

Shizuo frowned at this last bit.

SHIZUO: Not too sure I like fur fringe…

KANRA: ;_; Kanra is sad now…she even got matching garters and a G string thong…

Shizuo decided he could very well ignore this minor detail. Normally he was not the most imaginative of men but he could imagine all too well how Kanra would look with that kind of kinky underwear, typing as she- but he was getting ahead of himself.

SHIZUO: It's okay.

KANRA: Really? I'm so glad! You see, Shizuo-san, I got this outfit just for you. It's so embarrassing when I walk the string rubs against my pussy and when I sit it slips right between the lips…

Shizuo swallowed. He had picked this spot precisely because none of the people around could see him and that was wise since this was one hell of a turn on.

SHIZUO: That's hot.

KANRA: You make me hot. I want your hands all over me, squeezing my breasts and licking my nipples until they are hard.

And speaking of hard, Shizuo's pants were bulging around the groin area. He looked around to see to make sure that was watching as he unbuckled, unzipped and rubbed his budding erection through the fabric. Typing with one hand made for slow chatting on his part but it was not like it could be helped.

SHIZUO: You give me a hard-on just thinking about it.

KANRA: Ah~~ Shizuo-san…I'm getting so wet down there, it's soaking my thong and to think I just bought it and all…

SHIZUO: Touch it, touch your pussy.

KANRA: It's so hot, my finger can go all the way in. I want you to lick my wet folds and stick your tongue inside.

SHIZUO: We should 69.

Shizuo was clueless about internet lingo but he did know about sex.

KANRA: I'd suck your big dick and deep throat you then suckle on your oozing tip…

Shizuo's tip was indeed oozing and very eager for some contact, it had to settled for a thumb running for it, though.

SHIZUO: Yes…but I'd like to fuck you, too.

KANRA: Shizuo-san…would you do my other hole, too?

This had never quite crossed Shizuo's mind before so he had to think about it. And it was getting increasingly difficult to think properly.

KANRA: It's so tiny and tight inside. You'd fill it all the way…

And with this Shizuo was without a doubt sold to the idea.

SHIZUO: Yeah…sure

KANRA: Really? Shizuo-san, you're the best! I just know you'd ravage me like the sexy beast you are.

Shizuo was pumping himself freely now. If he was going to stop, it would have to be very soon.

SHIZUO: Kanra-chan, I'm about to come

It took a while for Kanra to reply. Shizuo hunched closer to the desk.

KANRA: Why don't you, then? I want to feel you shooting your load inside me

SHIZUO: But it's a public place…

KANRA: So? That makes it extra kinky, Shizu-chan~~

Shizuo was too far gone to protest. He closed his eyes as he climaxed thinking about his hot girl Kanra. By the time he opened his eyes again the message on the screen was what he had been waiting for this all time:

KANRA: Shizuo-san…I'm ready to meet you face to face. Is that okay?

Shizuo flailed. He forgot all about the mess he had just made under the desk.

SHIZUO: Sure, of course!

KANRA: Shizuo-san, I'm closer than you think…just look up and say hi!

It was like something from a romantic movie. The first thing Shizuo saw, as he obeyed, were shapely legs along which was a garter, then a bit of black fur fringing a sleek dress, slim hips – much slimmer than he expected, in fact, a flat belly followed by an equally flat chest. At which point he began to think that something was seriously wrong with this picture.  
>Kanra waved behind the glass and smiled happily. Unfortunately Kanra looked a lot like Orihara Izaya, in fact, Kanra was Orihara Izaya.<br>Izaya showed him his cell:  
>'Kanra-chan is here~~! 3' ~<br>Shizuo jumped to his feet and growled. Fortunately for him he had zipped his pants. He could not remember ever feeling this angry.  
>"You cheater, liar, louse! I'm going to kill you!"<br>Izaya typed on his phone, then showed it.  
>'Kanra-chan can't hear you through the glass!'<br>Shizuo solved that by hurling the monitor at the window and shattered it quite. Izaya skipped girlishly to avoid the object hurled at him along with the shower of broken glass.  
>"Shizu-chan! Darling! So, what do you think? Is Kanra-chan up to your expectations?"<br>Izaya turned around.  
>"You lied to me!"<br>"Now, now, I didn't exactly lie. I just tampered with the truth a tad. I did buy this outfit just for you! Oh, and Shizu-chan…you frown a bit when you come. It's so cute."  
>Furious did not describe Shizuo. It was too much of an understatement. Absolutely enraged to the point of seeing red might be closer to it. Izaya kept on rambling as he pranced as if he crossdressed on a daily basis. Which all things considered he probably did. Kanra-chan was stylish, too, and checked out Vogue for the latest trends.<br>"Shizu-chan, you should be careful who you trust online. There's a lot of people out there you will take advantage of you if you let-"  
>Izaya was too much into his ego triptroll heaven to see the public terminal flying in his direction and so it hit him straight in the face, collapsing him on the pavement as a mess of limbs and bloody nose.  
>"I-za-ya-kun? I hope you're ready to die."<br>"Hitting girls, can't say I approve of that."  
>"Oh? You're a fucking guy!"<br>Shizuo kicked the terminal.  
>"…Shizu-chan- think of Kanra!"<br>He aimed the sign post at terminal and Izaya and sent them both whooshing through the air.  
>"Fuck you and Kanra! This is why I hate computer!"<br>As Izaya landed on a wall and then fell to the concrete he had to think that maybe it was not a good idea after all. Then he remembered that he still had the logs. And several backups. And that said logs were being emailed to everyone he knew. Which was quite a lot of people indeed. He spat blood but smiled.  
>"Kanra-chan is going sleepy sleep now…nighty. Guess is what they mean by tr00 love!"<p> 


	5. Accelerating

**Pairing:** Accelerator/Izaya (Toaru Majutsu no Index)

**Prompt:** Izaya/Accelerator

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><p><strong>Accelerating<strong>

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><p>Accelerator had just bought a can of oolong tea from the convenience store and headed back home. And let it be said that he paid for it unlike some electrically driven girls out there. He walked at a slow pace, staring ahead. As usual, minding his own business. The streets were almost empty this time of night and that was just the way he liked it. He did not mind punks trying to pick a fight with him but tonight he was in a rather foul mood. It improved considerably when some nun chick came running by only to trip on oversized robes and fall flat on her face. Accelerator burst out laughing. She got up only to trip again. He laughed harder. At some point he noticed this lean guy with a weird fur jacket. He too was laughing his head off, so much so that he stomped a foot on her dress with each peal of laughter. Accelerator was intrigued, which did not happen often. He was used to being told just how crazy he was but here was a strong contender for insane. Especially now as the stranger stood on her back only to become silent. He ceased his stomping and seemed to muse. At length he stepped out, completely ignoring her protests.<br>"Ah, little girl. I'm bored now. So what if I help you? As a way to make up to you."  
>He smiled. Accelerator noticed the red eyes, familiar. The man (or was it a boy, age was uncertain) held out his hand. Just as the still grumbling girl was about to take it he leapt backwards and once again she lied sprawled on the pavement, face first. He laughed even harder and nearly fell himself. Accelerator found himself joining him, not even sure if he was laughing at the girl or at the guy's odd sense of humor.<br>"Hey, you. Got a name?"  
>"Orihara Izaya. At your service."<br>Izaya bowed with a flourish. Accelerator did not wait a second and pounced, landing on him and pinning him against the ground. He glared at this Izaya person.  
>"It's not nice of you not to tell me your name. I'll have to call you Albino-chan."<br>"Eh? I don't feel like telling."  
>Izaya smiled widely.<br>"Then Albino-chan it is. What do you want to do with my person?"  
>Accelerator realized that he did not quite know. He could always use his power on this man and invert the way his blood flowed but he did not want to do that. At least not presently. He could tell that Izaya was indeed very thin. The jacket formed a frame of sorts for the small body and its delicate frame. And was almost as a mattress. Perhaps that was what settled it for Accelerator because he kissed Izaya, roughly, shark teeth grazing tongue and sucking the air out of him. Anyone would be shocked not to mentioned frightened but Izaya merely whistled as soon as he regained some breath.<br>"Albino-chan is kinky…I like it."  
>"You must think you're funny."<br>"Sure. But more than that, I'm great in bed. Want to check out?"  
>Accelerator's smile grew psychotic in the way it spread from ear to ear. Izaya found it very familiar, he often saw it in the mirror.<br>"Tch, I'll be finding out no matter what you say."  
>"Albino-chan looks like he wants to top."<br>Izaya tasted blood from the cut on his lip. Accelerator found that one hell of a turn on. He reduced Izaya's clothes to tatters but spared the jacket. Accelerator expected (and indeed was looking forward to) protests and maybe even tears as he rammed himself in without bothering with any preparation. Instead Izaya smiled and began to laugh as Accelerator pounded into him. It was maddening but also arousing. And contagious. They clawed at each other in a frenzy of flesh hitting flesh, each out trying to out-laugh at the other in a strange contest of sorts. For each thrust Izaya moaned with a giggle and Accelerator responded by picking up speed. It was a quasi fight of entangled limbs.  
>Index, for she was the nun responsible for this unlikely yet fated meeting, pushed the hood from her eyes and watched in growing confusing at the scene. Right as Izaya managed to beat Accelerator to orgasm, shooting his load without breaking a vicious grin that only became wicked and as Accelerator gave him a hard bite to the shoulder that drew blood. He followed shortly after and cackled madly as he climaxed.<br>This was when Index decided that this was a street fight of sorts. She had seen such things on TV. So she proceeded to gesticulate and was thoroughly ignored. Accelerator withdrew, satisfied at the trail of wetness seeping out on his wake. He was in high spirits. Even if his favorite shirt was somewhat gooey.  
>"Name's Accelerator. If you still want to know."<br>Izaya stretched and wiped himself clean and wrapped himself in his jacket, calm as a cucumber, as if he had sex in the middle of the street on a daily basis. Which might very well be one of his hobbies.  
>"Nice to meet you, Accelerator. I'll say, you're a good fuck."<br>He helped Izaya to his feet.  
>"You're not too bad yourself."<br>"Want to become friends?"  
>"I don't <em>have<em> friends. I'm Accelerator. Level out of the charts."  
>"On the sex charts? Totally agree."<br>Index was even more confused as the two weirdoes burst out laughing at this. Now that the bout of violence (and weird violence at that, it should be said) was over she was angry again at their mockery.  
>"Hey! You two! Apologize to me! And give me food. Touma always gives me food."<br>Accelerator and Izaya shared some tea in a very civilized manner. She was spinning into a full fledged tantrum and threw them a few trinkets from her pockets. Accelerator deflected them easily and inverted the projectiles, sending them back where they had come from. His calculation was a tad off, though, because the coins and candy accelerated to the point of cutting through her neck and hacking off her head that went flying backward with the momentum. Somehow he also picked up a switchblade from Izaya and this landed squarely on her forehead, right between two wide and glassy eyes.  
>"Tou-ma-"<br>Accelerator tsked.  
>"Damn. Sex screws up my computations."<br>"That's a nifty power you got there."  
>Izaya watched with the fountain of blood with some curiosity.<br>"Those Judgment people will be here any time now. I don't suppose you- what was your name again? Can fix this?"  
>Izaya picked up the head and tossed it up and down.<br>"Afraid not. And the name is Orihara Izaya. It's okay, maybe she's a Dullahan."  
>"You're a magician?"<br>"Just your average informant."  
>Izaya lost interest in the head and retrieved his blade.<br>"Shit."  
>Izaya took his arm and they walked down the street. Accelerator was a bit upset, this unplanned killing meant that still needed to tweak his ability to take into consideration the aftereffects of sex.<br>"Cheer up. If you watch Durarara backwards, it's about a head that goes back in time to return to its rightful owner. Who knows, that may happen here as well!"  
>Accelerator found this absolutely hilarious even if he was not precisely sure he understood it. And like the best friends that they now were Izaya and Accelerator strolled leisurely around Academy City. For it was indeed the beginning of a wonderful friendship.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I had to kill Index. I just...had to. And it felt great, too. I will go to hell and I know it


	6. For the Love of Ootoro

**Pairing:** Shizuo/Izaya

**Prompt:** Izaya goes to Russia Sushi to order some ootoro. They are all out! Shizuo happens to have the last of it on his plate. Izaya begs for it. "Yeah, you can have my sushi, flea. After you suck my cock." No matter if Shizuo is sarcastic or not, Izaya decides to do just that.

* * *

><p><strong>For the Love of Ootoro<strong>

* * *

><p>"Simon! Give me your best ootoro, thick slices please!"<br>Izaya rubbed his hands in anticipation and sat at the counter.  
>"So sorry, all out. Shizuo-san just took the last fatty tuna."<br>Izaya gasped loudly and jumped to his feet.  
>"No! Say it isn't so! Say…it isn't so…!"<br>From a nearby table Shizuo snorted and dangled a juicy nigiri.  
>"Sucks being you."<br>Izaya approached him.  
>"Shizu-chan, how about you share? Be nice!"<br>Something occurred to Shizuo. Partially because Izaya was batting his eyelashes, his annoying smile even more aggravating than usual, but mostly because Shizuo felt like he had the upper hand for once.  
>"Do you really want this ootoro?"<br>Izaya nodded enthusiastically.  
>"Yes! So be nice and share?"<br>"Yeah, you can have my sushi, flea."  
>"Really?"<br>"After you suck my cock."  
>Izaya tapped his finger against his chin, thoughtfully.<br>"And that's all? Best get to it now, then! Before it loses its freshness."  
>And with this Izaya ducked under the table and proceeded to unfasten Shizuo's belt. It was Shizuo's turn to gasp.<br>"What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
>Izaya was already on his knees.<br>"Blowing you."  
>"For real…?"<br>"Of course. I love ootoro. So stop squirming and let me do my job. I know how to make it good."  
>Shizuo could very well believe it. Just thinking about it made him hard in his pants and he did not protest as Izaya unzipped his fly with his teeth. Shizuo was beyond nervous but every bit as turned on. Izaya ran the tip of his tongue up Shizuo's length, a trail of saliva against hard flesh.<br>"Izaya, people can see!"  
>Izaya chuckled. Shizuo's breathy voice was music to his ears.<br>"Oh? Is that your only concern? Hmm…I see. No worries, Shizu-chan. It's almost closing time and we're at the back of the restaurant."  
>Shizuo blushed furiously.<br>"But, Simon will see…"  
>"He's busy in the kitchen."<br>Shizuo could not make sure of this but he did not dare to lift up his eyes to make sure.  
>"You must love your stupid fish…"<br>Izaya stopped lapping pre-cum.  
>"Now, now, no insulting fatty tuna. And Shizu-chan, you're big down here."<br>Shizuo cursed under his ragged breath. His advantage was slipping away with each second.  
>"Izaya…!"<br>"You have to promise me to give me your tuna."  
>"Get back to it and you'll get the sushi."<br>Unfortunately Shizuo sounded a bit too breathless to come across half as commanding as he wanted. But he forgot all about it as soon as Izaya focused on tracing every vein with his tongue, going from the base of the shaft all the way to the head that he proceeded to lick, adding just enough pressure with keep Shizuo on the edge.  
>Shizuo had to hand it over to Izaya, flea or not he sure knew how to make it very good. He must have a lot of experience, Shizuo thought, judging by the way he swallowed him whole without as much as batting an eyelash. Every nerve ending seemed to be humming with pleasure. Shizuo nearly passed out at the sight of his hardness disappearing between shiny red lips.<br>Izaya used his whole mouth as a warm wet stimulant and then even his throat. Shizuo moaned despite himself. Izaya almost kissed the oozing tip before sucking with plenty of slurping, most of which was for effect. Lips firmly clasped as his tongue worked freely to slide against Shizuo's shaft and head repeatedly.  
>"Fucking flea…"<br>Shizuo's voice was below a raspy whisper. He could actually feel Izaya's smug smile just from the shape of his lips on highly sensitive skin. Izaya slurped a bit more and planted his hands on Shizuo's knees for leverage so that he could fully adjust his throat to take it all in. The increased stimuli- hot warmth edging him- were all too much to Shizuo. Before he knew what to say a fierce orgasm was on him and he was releasing his steaming load into Izaya. The high of pleasure was such that Shizuo even forgot just where he was. All he could do was pant in dismay as aftershocks ran through his body.  
>Izaya got up and cracked a smile that bordered on evil.<br>"I told you, didn't I? I know what I'm doing. I don't like the taste so I always do it like this, goes past the tasting buds."  
>"Wha…?"<br>"Brain died on you? Heh. Anyway, my tuna."  
>Izaya drank a few glasses of water. Shizuo realized that he still had his pants and underwear around his ankles.<br>"Didn't think you'd really do it…"  
>"Not my problem. My ootoro, I earned it."<br>"Ootoro…?"  
>Shizuo had utterly forgotten about the highly important fatty tuna that was on the line.<br>"Ootoro, best part of tuna fish. The reason why they call tuna the meat of the sea. I more than deserved it. That was the best blowjob you ever had."  
>"Yeah…hell, you sure are cocky."<br>"Just aware of my skills. If you'll excuse me, _itadakimasu_!"  
>Izaya took his sweet time savoring his treat. Shizuo could even see the tuna sizzling on Izaya's tongue.<br>"Ah, makes it all worth it."  
>"What kind of a guy blows someone for tuna?"<br>"Orihara Izaya does!"  
>Izaya burst out laughing at his own humor.<br>"You're a freak of nature."  
>"Yeah, yeah, and you're one to talk. Mister Monster. And I didn't see you complaining, now did I?"<br>Shizuo blushed and flailed considerably.  
>"That's because you've sucked so many dicks that you became a pro at it."<br>"Why, thank you. And I believe I must go now, things to do, people to meet, idiots to swindle. Same old."  
>Shizuo noticed the bill.<br>"When did this get here…?"  
>"Who knows. Maybe you were too caught up in the moment to even notice Simon placing it. Oh and you're paying the whole thing. My excellent blowjob counts as money. It's better than money, even! Bye bye, Shizu-chan!"<br>Shizuo did not even have a reply as Izaya skipped away laughing. Simon filled the silence instead:  
>"Orihara-san, must love ootoro."<br>"Oh shut up!"


	7. Rumors

**Prompt:** In middle school, Izaya hears about Shizuo from Shinra for the first time. Since they're both interested in Shizuo in different ways, anon is free to make it girl talk-like.

* * *

><p><strong>Rumors<strong>

* * *

><p>They had just left the arcade, Izaya winning hands down as usual while Shinra's score was mediocre at best. Sundown streaked down the teeming streets as they walked side by side, two scrawny boys in blue uniforms. The similarities began and ended there. Shinra carried his bag under an arm and smiled amicably, his tread was cautious in way it avoided even the possibility of a collision. Izaya pranced about, carelessly assessing his territory, his bag barely hanging from two fingers and tossed over his shoulder.<br>"Have you heard about Shizuo? Heiwajima Shizuo, that is."  
>"Hmm…can't say that I have. Why don't you enlighten me?"<br>Shinra could never tell when his friend was telling the truth. In fact, he could not even tell whether Izaya was his friend. They had drifted together because Izaya was intelligent to the point of it being uncanny, a quality that Shinra could not be indifferent to. But he knew that Izaya meant danger. Just yesterday Izaya had shown him his switchblade, flashing it for the briefest of moments to that the edge only caught the light for a moment. Sharp things did not scare Shinra in themselves, he had seen more scalpels in his short years than most people ever did in their whole life and he had even wielded quite a few but Izaya's razor spelled cruel intent.  
>"I've known him since elementary school. Shizuo-kun's is remarkably strong, to the point of even lifting fridges and throwing them. It's superhuman. I'd love to find out how he got that way."<br>Izaya smiled.  
>"Why don't you eviscerate him to find out? Just kidding."<br>Again Shinra half wondered if Izaya was indeed joking.  
>"That wouldn't do. I want to observe how his body works and see it in action."<br>"Eh? How interesting. I don't suppose you've got a picture of this amazing creature?"  
>"I got one, here."<br>Izaya scanned Shinra's cell phone.  
>"Oh my, a vending machine. And he's blonde. So my type."<br>Shinra adjusted his glasses.  
>"Type? So you are interested as well."<br>Izaya smiled.  
>"Indeed. Indeed I am. You have sparked my curiosity."<br>"Don't you wonder how he can carry a vending machine like that?"  
>"I don't care for 'how'. What drives me is 'why'."<br>"What do you mean?"  
>Shinra found himself drawn by the original points of view that Izaya had to offer. They were ideas that would never have occurred to him and while agreeing to them was too much for Shinra he still enjoyed to entertain wild ways of approaching reality. It spiced up things by adding a crazy Izaya element.<br>"If you were that strong I still very much doubt you'd go around hurling vending machines at people. The question that matters to me is 'why'."  
>Izaya was already skilled at picking people apart but he sensed that here was a source for endless fun.<br>"Shizuo-kun has some anger issues. But he's a very nice fellow as long as he is not provoked."  
>"Is that so? I am so jealous of you, you seem to attract strange phenomena."<br>"I want to study him and understand how his anatomy works."  
>"Heh, Shinra, it's like you've found a brand new toy."<br>Shinra nodded enthusiastically.  
>"Science could profit so much."<br>"How about you share Shizuo-kun with me? It's obvious that there's plenty of Shizuo go around."  
>"I can introduce you but Izaya-kun, please try not to upset him too much and-"<br>Shinra was suddenly pushed into an alley, a mouth covering his mouth. For a split second he was sure that Izaya was about to kill him.  
>"Shh, quiet now. I've spotted out target but let's just watch for now."<br>Indeed, Shizuo was passing by, so close that Izaya could reach out and touch him. Shizuo kicked a can and kept his eyes firmly on the ground so that he was utterly oblivious of the pair watching him intently. Izaya snapped a picture with his cell and let Shinra go as soon as the broad shouldered figure faded into the distance.  
>"So that's Heiwajima Shizuo. I believe we will have a world of fun of together."<br>Izaya smiled. It was then that Shinra realized that it was perhaps unwise of him to bring these two together but at the same time he knew that there was nothing to be done about it now. And the chaos that he sensed about to break loose might be worth observing for its own sake.  
>"So that's your type, Izaya-kun?"<br>"Oh yes. Speaking of which, got to get myself some new clothes. Can't make an impression wearing a uniform, now can I? See you tomorrow, Shinra. Introduce me to Shizu-chan after school."  
>"Shizu-chan?"<br>"Aye. Cute, isn't it?"  
>"I don't think he'll like you calling him that."<br>Izaya laughed.  
>"That is the whole point. And you know what they say about school friendships! They last a lifetime."<br>Shinra was left wondering whether that was such a good thing. Either way there was nothing he could do but watch where Izaya took this. Izaya waltzed away.  
>"I still want to find out how his body works."<br>And in his own way Izaya wanted that as well.


	8. Beneath the Skin

**Prompt:** Izaya/his knife.

* * *

><p><strong>Beneath the Skin<strong>

* * *

><p>A flash of light. It bounced off the cold surface of the blade with a sharp glint. Izaya felt the weight of the handle, not too heavy, his fingers trailing to the sides. This counted as foreplay. He traced the well honed edge down a shoulder, crossing the skin with a thin crimson streamlet and took a deep breath as he flickered a wrist and brought the cutting metal to stop short of the vital bundle of veins. This was a work of precision. Nothing was left to chance. From the preparatory ritual of reducing his shirt to neat tatters to the exact amount of pressure to exert, all was calibrated to the point of perfection.<br>Izaya was in control. He drew another line of blood, this time along his chest. Tweaking pain so that it tingled just at the brim of his nerves. Izaya cut a bit deeper. Warm liquid trickled down, branding him. A metallic scent filled the room. Izaya eased back on his plush swivel chair. The contrast of soothing comfort and hurting made it all so much vivid. Never had Izaya been so alive. Every single moment was fully accounted for, time tasted of blood, bitter and all too real.  
>The blade travelled downwards, unzipping him. His hand was steady, a gripping lucidity molded in the consciousness of danger. Izaya had this down to an art form or even a science. He pulled up his knees and placed the razor so as to bite into the tender flesh around his ankles. Vulnerable only to compulsion. Izaya took up a bottle of alcohol and liberally poured it over the fresh wounds. Lightening pain soared through him. A breathless moan escaped him.<br>He retraced the trail of blood, from shoulder to wrist, and dropped his precious blade as a violent climax turned him into a convulsing mess of sheer need. Izaya smiled faintly in his afterglow. Bleeding out in pleasure. Semen falling on the floor. The highest high always mingled yearning and pain, a feeling of becoming void as something of life flowed out. This feeling of loss was exquisite. His fabricated self command irresistibly led to this breakdown of all reason.  
>Izaya sighed contently. Soon he would tend to his cuts and clean up but for the time being he simply enjoyed this complete satisfaction. The price was worth it. Izaya lived for these moments snatched from the flow of life. Beneath the skin a whole world unraveled. Izaya closed his eyes. Languishing. And it was wonderful to the alive to all this. It did not even matter that it would not last. Individual extinction awaited each and everyone. Izaya warded if off by approaching death on his own terms. He sublimated pain.<br>Izaya understood that this was happiness. It was within the reach of a blade and Izaya was fine with that. Just fine.


	9. Information Age

**Pairing:** Izaya/Kida

**Prompt:** Izaya, getting turned on by seeking information. Not the dirty kind either. Just being really good at his job, and the satisfaction of it REALLY turns him on sometimes.

* * *

><p><strong>Information Age<strong>

* * *

><p>Information was power. It has always been so, from the dim days of scribbled scrolls passing from hand to hand, it was a subterraneous currency that to wield was to truly rule. History attested to the fact and never had trading knowledge been so profitable and exciting. This was the age of information after all.<br>Izaya often rejoiced at having been born in such a privileged time. And there were occasions when he almost believed that the culmination of so many information pathways had been conceived just for his own sake. Because Izaya knew how to excel in extracting, connecting, analyzing and savoring the so many tidbits that made the flow of human thought put into motion. Information was ever mutable. It was the soul of mankind.  
>"Say, Kida-kun? I don't suppose you'd know anything about it."<br>Izaya smiled a toothy grin. His barely contained insanity never failed to send off signs of alarm from his chosen victim whenever he chose to let it surface. Kida smiled back as bravely as he could.  
>"I'm afraid not, Orihara-san."<br>Of his many sources Kida was without a doubt his favorite. The boy's instincts for danger were keen and his defense consisted not in hiding in the dimness where he would not be found but under the distorted Ikebukuro neon lights. Behind an elaborate bluff that was tweaked to the point of being nearly flawless. Kida the light hearted, glib, always on the fast lane, friendly in his gaudiness and ever so expressive. Izaya admired him for this.  
>"That's too bad, Kida-kun. Guess we'll call it a night, then."<br>It was far too late for Kida to be out. Izaya had called him out at such a time precisely to shift him away from his comfort zone. Children were indoctrinated to be diurnal creatures after all. In every shadow Kida anticipated a threat. But presently relief lit him up. Izaya knew that each encounter with him meant another reason to be anxious to Kida. Izaya waited until Kida had taken a few steps in that casual skipping way of his.  
>"Oh, I had almost forgotten. Yesterday I was visiting a friend that is…ill, for lack of a better word, and I could swear I saw you peeping from the other side of the street."<br>Kida froze on his track but turned around readily enough.  
>"You must have been mistaken, Orihara-san."<br>Information gathering was at its peak when in involved an exchange.  
>"Hmm…is that so? How odd. You see, I asked my friend- and it seems I should call her 'our' friend from now- and she confirmed that Kida-kun often came round."<br>For a split second Kida was speechless. Izaya read him clearly.  
>"Orihara-san, about that we were talking about, now that I think about it I have heard something about it."<br>Izaya's smile grew wider.  
>"Do share, Kida-kun."<p>

This was what he lived for, what quickened his blood. When he could strip away all the layers of social convenience and get to the reality beneath. Currently Izaya was back in his apartment, eyes closed as he leant back on his swivel chair that faced the world. He had just finished his interview with Kida, a considerably paler and less chirpy Kida than usual. In other words, a much more real Kida. Izaya fixated on that. The cracks showing along sincere fear, dashing forward to cover them without succeeding. Kida was his favorite because whenever Izaya almost broke him he tried to fight back with nearly boundless cheer. It was almost courageous.  
>And each time Izaya spared him Kida became more and more entangled in a web of complicities from which he could no longer extricate himself. Izaya did not need to swiftly brandish his blade to entrap Kida. All he needed was to softly link his wide net of contacts all around him and to reveal the darkness inside. Izaya truly loved to unpeel Kida of all the fluff and to hold the aching truth without shattering him.<br>That would come later. For the time being he made it so that Kida was the most useful tool, one that could not possibly escape without bringing about his own doom. Izaya considered this by now self evident fact. He did not even need to touch himself. The wave of pleasure that ran through his veins, rapidly lightening up a myriad of electrical signs in his brains- and this too was information- could not be denied.  
>His orgasm was euphoric and pure ecstasy. Not only to the senses – toes curled, hands clenching and unclenching, eyes fluttering upon briefly – but to the deep mental satisfaction that followed from being so immersed in the moment. And the two were not disconnected, there was a natural cadence to how his body tensed in a series of spasms and to the pleasurable feeling of deciphering a living riddle.<br>Izaya laughed as he descended unto a soothing afterglow. He tossed a chess piece into the air and caught it. He folded his hands and turned to his computer. Porn was absolutely unnecessary. His hunting ground spread out before him as he typed. Hunting for the people behind the bits and bites.  
>This was Izaya's age and he its supreme ruler. The one who stands above and watches. Ultimately, knowing was what being on top truly meant. Izaya smiled. His kingdom had no end, such was the extent of his aptitude and what made him Orihara Izaya. More than a simple informant he was closer to god than anyone else.<br>Because god, too, was information.


	10. A Helping Hand

**Pairing:** Izaya/Shizuo

**Prompt:** Shizuo suffers from erectile dysfunction. (Maybe a side effect of his super human strength or because of a traumatic sexual encounter where he almost hurt somebody? I'll leave it up to you if and how you explain it.) Izaya gets wind of this and actually decides to help him out (probably for his own amusement or just to mess with him?) and try to 'cure' him with all means possible. Big bonus if Shizuo actually gets hard, but from anal stimulation of all things...

* * *

><p><strong>A Helping Hand<strong>

* * *

><p>Izaya was having some free time and simply lazing around Ikebukuro. Still, his informant instincts were sharp as ever and so he perked up his ears as soon as he caught a familiar name in the chatter coming from a nearby table.<br>"You know Heiwajima Shizuo?"  
>"The really strong guy? He's scary!"<br>"I heard that he can't get it up."  
>"No way! Are you serious?"<br>"Heard it from a friend of a friend of a friend."  
>It was a very weak lead, if it could even be called that, but unreliable or not, Izaya decided right there and then to follow up with some investigation. Which culminated with his ringing Shizuo's doorbell an hour later after stocking up a few useful items. Heavy steps followed, followed by some grumbling and then Shizuo was glaring at him as he was wont to do.<br>"Hello, Shizu-chan!"  
>"Go away."<br>"So mean. And to think I came all the way here to give you a helping hand."  
>"Don't need your help."<br>Shizuo was about to slam the door on his face. Izaya was not about to let that happen.  
>"Is it truth that you can't, you know…perform in bed?"<br>Shizuo froze. Then grew terribly pale.  
>"How do you know that?"<br>It was too easy, at times.  
>"I never reveal a source, Shizu-chan."<br>"You're not going to tell anyone…right?"  
>Izaya looked offended.<br>"Why, of course not! I'm here to help you overcome this, erm, how shall I term it…obstacle."  
>Shizuo looked around as if afraid of seeing some innocent bystander watching this compromising exchange. After some hesitation he said,<br>"Come in."  
>Really, at times it truly was too easy.<br>"Quite a place you've got here, Shizu-chan. Looks nifty."  
>Shizuo paced up and down as if he was regretting this already.<br>"Never mind the apartment. Can you actually help? With this…problem?"  
>Izaya emptied the contents of his plastic bags on the table. All the dildos, bottles of lube, porn DVDs, beads of all sorts and sex toy instruments of all sorts that Izaya had arranged just for the purpose.<br>"If I can't, Shizu-chan then no one can."  
>Shizuo stared at Izaya's stock. He felt rather silly.<br>"Don't see why it would be like that."  
>Izaya was hoping for an excuse to do some justified bragging and trust good old Shizuo to provide him with one.<br>"One word: experience. I have plenty of it, if I may say so myself. With both genders, too."  
>Shizuo glowered at him with ill disguised jealousy.<br>"Knew you were a filthy whore."  
>"Ah yes, but only because I have no complications with my…how should I put it, 'plumbing'. If you want a résumé, I've been doing it since middle school-"<br>"Middle school?"  
>"-even before I met you, yes. And I get laid every single night. So you can trust me on this. 'Orihara Izaya' means 'satisfaction guaranteed.'"<br>Shizuo was impressed despite himself.  
>"Are you just going to stand there gloating or do something about it?"<br>Izaya sat on the sofa as if he was a regular at Shizuo's apartment.  
>"First I must know a few things about this condition of yours. How long have you suffered from this issue?"<br>Shizuo shuffled uncomfortably.  
>"I was fine until I began to get stronger…since then- it just doesn't work."<br>Izaya whistled.  
>"So you haven't had an orgasm since you were, what 12?"<br>Shizuo nodded in his misery.  
>"Yeah."<br>"That's a lot of time. Have you tried Viagra?"  
>The dark glare that Shizuo shot him told Izaya right away that it was best not to follow this line of argument if he valued his life.<br>"Okay, a few more questions are in order at this point. Sexual orientation?"  
>Izaya produced a clipboard and a pen.<br>"I'm straight, of course."  
>Izaya giggled.<br>"Yes, that's what they all say at first."  
>"Izaya-!"<br>"Okay, okay, we'll go with 'heterosexual' for the time being."  
>Needless to say that Izaya had his doubts.<br>"Next question, any favorite types?"  
>Shizuo rubbed his chin.<br>"I like cute girls."  
>"Can you be a little less vague?"<br>"Cute and small built. With nice hair."  
>"'Generic short female.' You haven't thought much about this, have you?"<br>"Not really…since it's useless anyway."  
>Izaya was almost sorry for Shizuo. Almost but not quite.<p>

"Okay! We'll start with some porn, then. I have straight, lesbians, male gay, threesomes-"  
>"Take your gay stuff out of here!"<br>"How about the hot lesbians?"  
>Shizuo nodded.<br>"That's fine. They're not your sisters, right?"  
>Izaya gasped for emphasis.<br>"Shizu-chan! What an awful thing to imply! As if they would do such a thing-"  
>"Sorry, didn't mean to offend you…"<br>"-on tape."  
>Shizuo blinked at this.<br>"On tape…? You mean they'd do it if they weren't being recorded?"  
>"Can't say. It's not as if I'm there all the time. So lesbians it is! Your DVD is prehistoric. I had no idea they still manufactured these."<br>"It's second hand- wait, what do you mean you can't say?"  
>Izaya popped the disc into the ancient video.<br>"Shizu-chan, this isn't anime. I don't spend every waking moment obsessing over my siblings. I'm not Namie. Anyway, smut time is now."  
>Izaya settled on the sofa and offered Shizuo some tissues. Slim busty women entangled limbs and licked every spot that could be licked. Izaya spent half his time observing a blushing and clearly embarrassed Shizuo and the other half checking out the hot action on screen.<br>"So what do you think? I have good taste in porn or what?"  
>"Yeah…"<br>Unfortunately, or not, Izaya's amazing preferences were also getting him aroused. And since there was still no clear reaction from Shizuo Izaya found himself masturbating to a really hot 69.  
>"What the <em>hell<em> do you think you're doing?"  
>"Hng, just giving you an incentive?"<br>"Don't do that here! Go to the bathroom!"  
>Izaya made it as far as trying to get up.<br>"Too late…"  
>Izaya came all over the floor, shooting his stuff with relish. Shizuo fumed.<br>"The fuck!"  
>"Calm down, I have more tissues."<br>Izaya cleaned the mess while Shizuo glowered.  
>"You're a flea, Izaya!"<br>"So porn failed. That's fine. I never run out of plans and I want to help my dear childhood friend. So just sit, relax and let your buddy do the work for you."  
>Shizuo did sit but he was about to squat Izaya away as soon as long thin fingers trailed his zipper.<br>"Don't go touching me in weird places!"  
>"You undress, then. Show me the goods, Shizu-chan! I'm curious."<br>It was reluctantly that Shizuo dropped his pants and boxers and he only did it because Izaya would mock him otherwise. Izaya whistled.  
>"Wow, big. Even when it's normal. It's a real shame that this doesn't get put to good use. Now tell me how this feels."<br>Izaya got on his knees and applied his tongue and lips. Shizuo moaned softly.  
>"-good, but-"<br>"Hmm…so you do feel something. But this doesn't seem to be working."  
>Shizuo hung his head in defeat.<br>"It's hopeless!"  
>"There, there. No need to despair yet. This only means that I have to bring out the heavy artillery."<br>Izaya brought out a string of anal beads and a dildo.  
>"Where do you think you're putting those…things?"<br>"Do I have to explain all things? You're an amateur so get on all fours, that'll be easier."  
>Shizuo flailed considerably and jabbed a finger in Izaya's face.<br>"No! Just _no way in hell_! I'm not putting anything _there_. How is that going to help any? I'm not fucked up like _you_."  
>Izaya's sigh was forlorn.<br>"Shizu-chan, clearly your knowledge of the male organs is nonexistent. Let me enlighten you on that. Besides, it's not like you have many other options now is it? Trust me on this. You'll like it. But of course if you are that set against it then I can just leave and let you figure out something on your own. I'm sure you can fix it in the next, say, twenty years or so."  
>Shizuo reconsidered his rashness.<br>"Okay, fine! But you better use some stuff…"  
>Izaya opened a bottle of lube and smeared some on his fingers.<br>"You mean this? Don't worry, Shizu-chan! I have loads of it."  
>Shizuo glanced at the instruments that looked scary to him.<br>"Those things, are they torture devices?"  
>"So funny, Shizu-chan. On all fours now."<br>Shizuo obeyed despite the ever growing doubts that made him exceedingly anxious. Izaya placed himself behind him and mused.  
>"I wonder what would be best, the beads or the dildo? Decisions, decisions."<br>"There's no way that big thing fits."  
>"Hmm…I supposed the beads are better for beginners but you're a big boy. Thus may feel a bit weird at first but don't sweat it, Shizu-chan!"<br>Shizuo was regretting this already. Greatly. Izaya poured a generous amount of liquid on the vaguely penis shaped device and applied the tip to Shizuo's entrance.  
>"What the- <em>that bloody hurts!<em>"  
>"Chill. I know what I'm doing."<br>Still, Izaya inserted the dildo more brusquely than necessary. Shizuo tensed up immediately.  
>"The hell! Aren't these things for girls?"<br>"Relaxing is better, Shizu-chan. And these are flat based made specifically for anal usage. I don't suppose you've played back here yourself?"  
>"Of course not! Just who do you think you are?"<br>"A virgin, for one."  
>Shizuo blushed to the roots of his blonde hair.<br>"You don't have to put it like that…"  
>"More relaxing, less talking."<br>Izaya pushed it all the way in and tried a few different angles for no reason other than making Shizuo squirm. It worked brilliantly. Shizuo cursed himself for being gullible enough to buy Izaya's troll ways.  
>"This is way too weird. Doesn't feel good at- <em>oh<em>…"  
>Shizuo trailed off. Unfamiliar pressure was building inside him and coiling at the pit of his stomach. Izaya smiled and it was a good thing that Shizuo could not see the wicked grin.<br>"Aha, I knew it. Beginning to feel better?"  
>"Hng…"<br>Shizuo could hardly believe it but he was already fully erect.  
>"Success! I'm so good. But enough of the toy."<br>Shizuo yelped in protest when the pleasurable intrusion was removed but he had no time to complain any further because it was replaced by something bigger, hotter and a bit wet. It took him little time to realize that it was Izaya.  
>"You lou- <em>oh…<em>"  
>Shizuo's anger melted into the rhythm of skin hitting skin, that vulnerable spot sending blasts of warmth through his body, so much so that he even forgot about what was going on, that Izaya was fucking him in the ass.<br>"I think you're a bottom, Shizu-chan. And look at that, you're dripping and all."  
>Indeed a dribble of pre-cum dripped from his now hard length all the way to the floor.<br>"Izaya- urgh."  
>Never good at articulating thoughts Shizuo gave up on words altogether. He began to pump himself but Izaya slapped the hand away.<br>"No can do. You'll come but because I'll drive you to it with my amazing technique."  
>To make the point plainer Izaya angled his hips just slightly, just enough to hit his weak spot directly.<br>"Ah!"  
>Izaya began to cackle in that crazy way of his but Shizuo did not even mind it. He could not remember ever being this needy.<br>"Doing a virgin- so rare these days."  
>Izaya's control was slipping into his incoming climax. He released after only a few more thrusts that were somewhat erratic. But it did not matter, Shizuo was way past his coping abilities and when hot liquid shot slammed into him he orgasmed in a series of convulsions, his entire body shaking as pleasure such as he had never known unhinged him completely. He collapsed on the floor with a thud, on top of his own mess.<br>"Good thing I have plenty of tissues, Shizu-chan."  
>Izaya caught his breath with some difficulty. Shizuo was still basking in his afterglow.<br>"That so…I don't even."  
>"Heh, no need to thank me! I won't even charge you for this. I believe that you are cured! At least there's plenty of your jizz on the floor."<br>Izaya scooped some from the floor and tasted it.  
>"Tasty~"<br>"You really are great."  
>Shizuo regretted it the moment he said it but he was still far too mellow to get angry.<br>"Aw! Shizu-chan likes me, Shizu-chan likes me! Let's be Best Friends Forever!"  
>"Sure."<br>And as it turned out it was the beginning of an interesting sex friendship.


	11. Family Time

**Pairing:** Shizuo/Izaya

**Prompt:** A dysfunctional Ikebukurian family, with Shizuo as dad, Izaya as mom and their three children are Anri, Kida and Mikado.

* * *

><p><strong>Family Time<strong>

* * *

><p>They were all gathered at the dinner table. As usual Izaya's special hotpot had tanked and so it was instant noodles again. Izaya contemplated his children, Anri, Kida and the quiet guy that he at times forgot, oh yeah, Mikado.<br>"Shizu-chan! I just realized that Kida-chan looks a bit like you! Blonde hair and all. So at least we know that one of them is your biological offspring!"  
>Shizuo spat out his soggy ramen.<br>"What the hell? I'm not even a natural blonde!"  
>Izaya was silent for a while. Then,<br>"Oh. I see. But don't worry, Kida-chan, Anri-chan, and that other guy-"  
>"It's Mikado. How come you never get my name?"<br>"-family isn't about sharing the same blood. Not at all, family is all about sharing special moments together! It's a bit like they say, it doesn't matter how well you cook, it's how much love you put into it that counts."  
>Shizuo grumbled.<br>"Your shitty hotpot was horrible."  
>Izaya gasped and put his hands over Anri's ears.<br>"Shizu-chan! Don't curse in front of the children! And if you don't be so redundant about it."  
>"Bloody hell, you're the one that goes around saying that I'm not their father!"<br>Shizuo pointed his chopsticks for extra emphasis.  
>"Well, how am I expected to know that you are? I am a very sought after and I can't help it that so many gorgeous men want to bed me."<br>"Why you!"  
>Mikado coughed.<br>"Excuse me, but males cannot reproduce."  
>Shizuo turned the chopsticks in Mikado's direction.<br>"This is the result of your bad parenting! This kid- what was his name again?"  
>"…Mikado."<br>"Midori, goes around using fancy words like 'reproduce'!"  
>"That's Mikado…who's Midori?"<br>Izaya humphed.  
>"Don't listen to daddy, Midori-chan. I happen to think that you're a wonderful girl. Not as well developed as your sister Anri-chan but that doesn't mean Mommy doesn't love you very dearly."<br>"…I'm a boy."  
>Mikado had no time to further the point because Kida tackled him down without a warning.<br>"Mama, Midori-chan is fine as she is!"  
>Kida proceeded to rub against a very freaked out Mikado. Shizuo closed Anri's eyes with his big hands.<br>"Don't show indecent things to your sister!"  
>Anri spoke for the first time.<br>"Kida and I take care of Mikado so that he doesn't get into troubles."  
>Shizuo blinked and resumed his seat.<br>"Who's this Mikado person again?"  
>Anri carried on in her polite and quiet way.<br>"And we already saw you two having sex the other day."  
>"What <em>the<em>?"  
>Shizuo chocked. Izaya rubbed his chin thoughtfully.<br>"Hmm…doesn't Anri look a bit like Tieria?"  
>"Shut up! I can't believe our children saw us having sex! It'll ruin their lives! And stop humping your sister, Kida!"<br>"That's okay, Kida-chan. Daddy got topped by his brother all the time. So Midori-chan, cheer up! Incest is perfectly fine. Let's not throw in Anri-chan into the mix so that Midori-chan doesn't get embarrassed since her breasts haven't begun to grow yet. All girls have blossom at different times! It's all perfectly fine."  
>"…it's Mikado…and I'm a guy…"<br>Shizuo jumped to his feet.  
>"The hell, Kasuka didn't top me!"<br>"So it was the other way around? Either way, it doesn't matter. Mommy often played house with Aunt Kururi-chan and Aunt Mairu."  
>Anri saw fit to pull at one of Mikado's arms while Kida took the other.<br>"I'm playing with Midori-chan now!"  
>"I want to play with Mikado too."<br>"Aw, isn't it adorable to see how they all get along?"  
>Shizuo mumbled something then added.<br>"Bunch of screw ups, it's all your fault."  
>Feeling as if he was not fulfilling his fatherly duties he decided to sit next to the children and put on his gravest face.<br>"Now, Mommy may be a bit…loose in her ways but you should know that Daddy loves you all very much. Even if she is a tramp, she has a point about the whole spending time together part. You know like those happy families in anime usually aren't even related and yet they are all very friendly? It's like that. Daddy cares about the two of you very much."  
>"Aren't there three of them?"<br>"I flunked at math but you kids must study very hard and go to school. And stay out of drugs, drugs are no good for you. And if you need Daddy to tell you about the, erm, Birds and the Bees you can always ask. We are a loving family all around."  
>"And Midori-chan, just so you know, it's not just because the condom broke that we had you. I always wanted to have a flat chested daughter."<br>"I'm getting a paternity test one of these days. You'll fuck anyone."  
>"How rude. Shizu-chan, want to make more babies?"<br>Shizuo picked him up easily and dashed to the room upstairs throwing a,  
>"You kids behave now."<br>On his way out. It did not take long until the sound of creaking and loud moans filled the air. Kida and Anri both decided to jump on Mikado to make sure he heard none of it and as a result nearly killed him.  
>"Oh Shizu-chan…!"<br>"You better become pregnant with my child this time around!"  
>"Heiwajima sperm is good…oh!"<p>

Nine months later:  
>"At least this one should be mine for sure."<br>Shizuo peered at a baby that Izaya held in his arms.  
>"Probably, at least! What shall we call her?"<br>"Midori."  
>"Didn't we already have someone by that name?"<br>"Nah, I don't really remember."  
>In the background Mikado sighed.<br>"Midori-chan it is! Midori-chan goes round and round on Mommy's swivel chair! Whee!"  
>Shizuo was about to say something but Midori-chan was thrown out of the chair and straight through the window, almost as if were the first human winged baby, before she crashed in some alley in Ikebukuro.<br>"This is bad, isn't it."  
>"Izaya!"<br>And with this Shizuo was back to chasing Izaya around. Mikado watched in disbelief. He was surrounded by insane people.  
>"Midori-chan! Try on this dress!"<br>Kida ran toward Mikado, Anri on his heels.  
>"Mikado-kun, try on this dress instead!"<br>That was when Ryugamine Mikado decided he was most definitely going to move.


	12. Ikebukuro, arigatou!

**Pairing:** Izaya/Kida

**Prompt:** Izaya rapes someone while singing Renai Circulation. Then he makes them sing along while they cry.

* * *

><p>"<strong>Ikebukuro, arigatou!"<strong>

* * *

><p>"Tralalala, lalala, how did the rest of it go, Ki-da-kun?"<br>Orihara Izaya stopped the rhythmic pattern of sharp thrusts into Kida and ceased to hum. Kida blinked his tears away and tried to breathe through the haze of pain that surrounded him. He had always known that Izaya was on the wrong side and this was the worst possible scenario: here he was, flat on his back in the empty schoolroom, his clothes piled in a corner, and this utterly volatile man raping him without ever breaking a grin.  
>"Orihara-san…let me go. <em>Please<em>."  
>Izaya leant forward to tsk on his ear, burying himself deeply as if to break Kida.<br>"Kida-kun, some cooperation is expected. You have such a lovely singing voice that it's only fair you'd sing along!"  
>Before Kida could muster another useless plead Izaya resumed his fast pounding, sending his whole weight crashing against Kida's body and making him weep at the horror of it all, at the searing pain that bolted through his nerves and the paralyzing humiliation that choked him. And through it all Izaya sang, randomly picking up a melody that set the pace for his vicious fucking.<br>"Lalalala, fuwafuwaro fuwafuwari, watashi something or another. How polite of me, isn't it? Watashi! Wa-ta-shi!"  
>To add to the insanity Izaya piped happily and was even in tone. Each syllable was emphasized by a thrust that was sheer torment to Kida. From what Kida could discern this song, whatever it was, was rather chirpy and just what you'd expect from someone whose idea of fun included hurting others.<br>"And-I-forget-the-lyrics-but-I-guess-that's-okay-because-Kida-kun-will-help-me-help-me-all-the-way! Now is your cue, Kida-kun!"  
>Garbled sounds were all that Kida could manage. Izaya pouted in mock disappointment.<br>"That'll never do! After me now! Fuwa-fuwa-"  
>"-Ro…!"<br>"Precisely! Fuwa-fuwa-"  
>"-Ri!"<br>Izaya giggled and picked up speed. The faint but unmistakable scent of blood was in the air. Kida did not know at which point he had started to bleed but he knew that the raw agony that jolted through him blurred the world. All he could see was Izaya's red eyes shining with wicked glee and his never faltering smile.  
>"Encore now! You do the honors."<br>Izaya tugged at Kida's swollen member. Kida stared in shock at his own erection. It was a simple physical reaction. There was no pleasure to this. Only brutal torture mingled with the overpowering degradation of being brought this low, sobbing and crying as he forced himself to sing.  
>"Fuwa fuwa ro- ugh- fuwa fuwa ri-"<br>Kida's voice ran silent as Izaya gave him one particular jab that he was sure had ruptured something inside. Tears streamed down his cheeks freely. Izaya giggled merrily and resumed his humming.  
>"Tralalala, la, lalala, this-is-such-a-nice-song-and-I'm-such-a-nice-guy-Orihara Izaya, seventeen years old!"<br>Kida had no idea why Izaya would lie about his age but clearly it was one of those private jokes that made perfect sense to him and none of humanity at large.  
>"Kida-kun, your turn again! Fuwa!"<br>He had to swallow a few times before continuing. Kida could see the blood now and it made him so queasy that he nearly threw up.  
>"Fuwa- fuwa- fuwa-ro-"<br>"You just added an extra 'fuwa'. Again, from the top! I'll join."  
>"Fuwa-fuwa-"<br>"Fuwafuwaro"  
>"-ro-"<br>"Fuwafuwari"  
>"Fuwa-fuwa-ri."<br>Kida tasted salt and cried in spasms as he tried to sing and breathe through his sobs and tears. Izaya was not at phased. He came without breaking his striding motion and withdrew just in time to spill his hot semen all over Kida, splashing his face in thick jets of whitish liquid so that once again the stringent taste of salt filled him. Kida's erection flagged almost immediately as he remained crying as silently as he could.  
>Izaya got up with a flourish and bowed to some imaginary audience.<br>"Ikebukuro, arigatou!"  
>Kida groaned softly. His flesh was rent but he was almost numb to it. He did not want to see how much blood there was sliding out of him, blind fear gnawed at him.<p>

"Kida-kun, these singing lessons were just amazing. I'm looking forward to the next one! See you."  
>Izaya left, the monstrous 'fuwafuwa' following him as he receded into the distance. Kida closed his eyes. He knew that he would never be able to sing again. And this too Orihara Izaya had managed to destroy. Many times Kida had wondered how Izaya managed to convince people into putting an end to their life. He now wished that he had never found out. There was a price to information and this was far too high to pay.<p> 


	13. Sassy Gay Friend

**Prompt:** Izaya as a SASSY GAY FRIEND youtube(dot)com/watch?v=jnvgq8STMGM but having the opposite effect on suicidal girls XD

* * *

><p><strong>"And so we kill ourselves? We Kill ourselves? No way!<strong>**"**

* * *

><p>There was something about the 1000th time. Sure, it was only one more than the 999th time but somehow it was significant. That was why when Seiji told Mika that he didn't really love her for the 1000th time she decided that life was not worth living. Of course that part about his having smashing her head into the wall did not play in this decision.<br>She now stood at the top of a skyscraper and ready to take a dive into oblivion. Before she could quite manage that Izaya popped out of nowhere and proceeded to skip about, fur fringe dramatically fluttering in the air.  
>"What are you doing? I say, what are you doing?"<br>"Seiji doesn't love me! I don't want to live anymore!"  
>"No, no, no. Want me to push you- I mean, girlfriend! So are you giving me drama? You're giving me drama, aren't you. Well no can do, sister. And I don't mean you Kururi or you Mairu, I know you guys are hiding somewhere."<br>Izaya crossed his arms and nodded sagely.  
>"You don't understand! Seiji is all to me."<br>"And so we kill ourselves? We kill ourselves?"  
>"…why are you repeating the same thing-"<br>"Talk to the hand!"  
>Izaya made a flourish to display his very stylish ring.<br>"What? Aren't you supposed to be helpful?"  
>"Girl, let me tell you. Tokyo's been getting worse than a wagon of Vegas cabaret singers on PMS and it's all because Seiji-kun is a mean bitch. The bad kind, too. Who do you think involved Japan in the war? Seiji-kun did."<br>"He wasn't even alive back then."  
>"What-ever. He's so nasty he creates wars retroactively. And who do you think called out Godzilla and have Mister Big Lizard stomp all over Tokyo? Who do you think called out Godzilla? Seiji did."<br>"I can hear you the first time around, you know."  
>Izaya paid absolutely no attention and twirled around like a pretty butterfly.<br>"Girl, you gotta dump his ass. Sure, you may be a stalker, a horrible friend, a skank with no sense of style- I'm not hating on you but I gotta tell the truth- lack a life but Seiji is a whole new level of 'wtf!' and straight into 'no wai!' territory."  
>"You're not really helping!"<br>"You know, I had this guy that was into human heads too. No good, Mika-chan, no good. And did I kill myself? Did I kill myself? Of course not!"  
>"Which was a shame."<br>"You need to post something forlorn, snap that's a fancy word!, on your blog and then move on! There's plenty of handsome men in Tokyo! Just stay away from Shizu-chan, you bitch. Or it is on! It is ON!"  
>"Who…?"<br>"' course you ain't half as sexy as I am but that new look of yours isn't half bad either."  
>"Really?"<br>"Nah, I just made that. I'm trying to cheer you up, you no good whorish fat cow you!"  
>Izaya smiled widely.<br>"Okay…"  
>"Just trying to cheer up a pig headed slut with the IQ of a retarded flea! I'm a great friend! I am friends with all girls because- hey, Mika-chan? Mika-chan!"<br>Unfortunately for this self proclaimed alley of women Mika jumped. Izaya tsked.  
>"Oh snap, there goes another one. How's the count, Mairu?"<br>The sister jumped out of their hiding place.  
>"Out of the ten girls you have been 'sassy and gay' to nine jumped off."<br>"That's not completely bad!"  
>Kururi added,<br>"The other one punctured her ears before jumping."  
>Izaya was silent for a while.<br>"Hmm…oh well, haters gonna hate! Orihara Izaya is leaving the building!"  
>They spread out a red carpet and Izaya skipped happily. He was that fabulous. Snap.<p> 


	14. In your dreams

**Pairing:** Shizuo/Izaya

**Prompt:** Izaya has a wet dream about Shizuo. Or the other way around.

* * *

><p><strong>In your dreams<strong>

* * *

><p>"Shizu-chan..."<br>There was only one person that would ever dare to 'chan' Shizuo. It never failed to anger him to no end and it was part of the reason why it was part of his routine to punch the hell out of Izaya whenever he came across the lowlife knife freak. But something was wrong now. The body that he was so used to charging at was now heaving under his weight, the smug smile that he wanted to smash was missing and the most annoying voice in the world was reduced to a weak moan. And it was the last straw.  
>Shizuo did not know why Izaya was wearing his fur trimmed jacket and nothing else nor did he have any idea as to why he should be spread out like a calendar girl. For a whole five seconds Shizuo simply watched this most unlikely spectacle, taking in everything – from Izaya's off character blush all the way to what could only be a budding erection. At which point Shizuo knew precisely what to do. Never a man of many words Shizuo squeezed the balls and tugged at them hard. Izaya hissed under his breath.<br>"Don't 'chan' me, you bastard."  
>This was very much like a fight. For once Shizuo had Izaya pinned down, unable to run away and completely vulnerable. There were many wrong things in this but Shizuo was rapidly realizing that he did not particularly care.<br>"Shizuo-chan, you're kinky…"  
>He looked for a pained expression but Izaya sighed as he disobeyed.<br>"I told you already!"  
>Gooey pre-cum trickled down Izaya's now fully hard length and unto Shizuo's still clenched fist. Anger was blending with something just as fierce and equally violent. Shizuo loosened his talon grip and suddenly he was holding an all too familiar knife. By now it did not matter, Shizuo gladly pressed the curvy blade to Izaya's throat. In a muddled way Shizuo registered that the elegant shape of the sharp bit of deadly metal was very much like Izaya himself. He dragged the cutting edge downward in a slow crimson slash and watched smooth white skin break in a trail of blood.<br>Something shut down in Shizuo's brain. Somehow he lost his clothes, brusquely parted his way to Izaya's entrance and shoved a neglected hard-on into it. Izaya tensed immediately and Shizuo dug his fingers into lush black hair as if to gain leverage. Hot tightness engulfed him. All he could see was Izaya squirming as he pounded deep into him. The line of blood slid along chest and belly with each thrust until it reached Izaya's lower parts. An intoxicating shade of blood that added fuel to the fire already burning in Shizuo's veins.  
>As in all things Shizuo went all out. He tasted the still bleeding cut running between pink nipples in a quasi kiss. His pace only increased as he saw tears welling on red eyes, it added a new thrill to it all. Shizuo could feel himself nearing climax and he bit into the slender shoulder, fastening his teeth on tender flesh and causing Izaya to scream. It was by far the most beautiful music Shizuo had ever heard in his life even if he was only barely aware of him. A great rush was upon him, blood was pouring into his mouth and the tantalizing pressure all around him edged him ever closer, Izaya trembled in sheer abandon under him and then-<p>

"Shizuo-chan! Good morning."  
>Izaya leant on the counter and smiled. Shizuo blinked a few times, disorientating confusion blocking out everything for a moment. Sunlight flashed on the many shelves of bottles behind him and it hurt his eyes.<br>"What…?"  
>"Rise and shine! It's a beautiful day outside."<br>Izaya spread his arms as if to make the point. That was when Shizuo realized that he had been dreaming. His anger was renewed tenfold, few things were worse than doing the late night shift and falling asleep on your seat but this, this was an added source of aggravation. Without a second thought he hurled a bottle at the figure that stood before him. Izaya intercepted it in mid air and bowed with a flourish.  
>"Ah, thank you so much for the beer."<br>And with this Izaya sauntered out of the bar. Shizuo was on his feet and ready to give chase. Beating Izaya into submission would make amends.  
>"Izaya! Get back here so I can kill you!"<br>"Later, Shizuo-chan. Oh and by the way…you may want to change your pants."  
>Shizuo froze on the spot. A quick glance at the wet stain on his crotch confirmed his horrible suspicion.<br>"You're dead."  
>"And you were calling my name just now. Laters, Shizuo-chan."<br>For once Shizuo could not muster the courage to bark against being 'chan'ed.

* * *

><p><strong>Izaya's POV<strong>

Night was already ebbing away, shadows thinning out as the prelude of dawn dissolved them when Izaya slipped into the silent bar. This was his favorite time of day to commit mischief, this lulling time when Tokyo's restless night slumbered and before the morning rush shot its frantic crowds unto the streets. As it was, the city was a desert of concrete and there was no one to do as much as catch a glimpse of him as he picked his way along a maze of alleys.  
>Bribing the bar personnel had been just an extra precaution but tonight Izaya was not taking any chances. He crept into the backroom and tiptoed around, his beloved knife in hand. If his information was correct – which it was because he was Orihara Izaya – then his target should be here somewhere and without as much as a clue as to what was about to befall him. For all the bad blood between them Izaya believed it beyond Shizuo to suspect an ambush. Mainly because Shizuo was the kind to explode but not one given to looking ahead, at times very literally so. A flaw that could prove fatal.<br>Izaya spotted a source of light and studied the main room before proceeding. All was perfectly still but Izaya did not let his guard down. He knew that he was at a disadvantage when not on open ground and his step was slow and cautious.  
>Yet a certain thrill was upon him and it increased considerably once he came across a sleeping Shizuo casually seated behind the counter as if he did not have a care in the world. Izaya congratulated himself on his success and smiled dangerous while he prepared the blade to strike. Thanks to his sources he knew that Shizuo was a heavy sleeper, to the point of sleeping undisturbed through not too minor earthquakes.<br>Izaya's smile grew wider and cold. He should simply carry on this assassination mission that was also one of self-defense – there was a limit of how many vending machines one could dodge – but that was no fun and far too easy. Instead he took a seat right in front of Shizuo and nipped the counter. Usually he was too busy fleeing for his life to see more of Shizuo than a blur of angry movement always ready to mow him down but he now had a chance of paying attention to the stubbornly unconscious figure so close to him.  
>Folded arms, a very proper vest, unruly blonde hair. The more Izaya watched the keener his typical interest for all things humans grew. He could not deny that he was in the presence of a very attractive man who was undoubtedly unaware of this. Which was part of this ruthless charm that Izaya was beginning to discover.<br>A mumbling sound caused Izaya to leap back out of instinct. He crouched and aimed his knife, prepared to exploit the brutal charge that he expected at any moment. When nothing happened he slowly peeked over the counter only to find that Shizuo was still fast asleep. Izaya resumed his spot right in front of Shizuo and decided he might as well play around while he was at it.  
>"Shizu-chan…"<br>He waited with baited breath. For a while it seemed like there would be no response when a grumble broke the silence,  
>"Don't 'chan' me, you bastard."<br>Izaya bit his lower lip. He suddenly felt an urge to burst out laughing and it took some effort to regain control. By the time he calmed down, he noticed a bulge in Shizuo's pants. Now this was pure gold. Izaya wondered just how big Shizuo was. A giggle escaped him, this was too good a chance. Izaya would have traded all of his sources for seeing whatever it was Shizuo was dreaming of, but since that was impossible, he focused on sounding as horny as he could, channeling the experience he had acquired working at erotic lines:  
>"Shizuo-chan, you're kinky…"<br>"I told you already!"  
>Izaya swallowed. This was turning out very hot. He followed each and every movement on Shizuo's strong features even if his eyes kept roaming to the hardness between his legs. His own pants were becoming constricted. Izaya was a natural born voyeur. He watched as Shizuo thrust upward while his breath quickened. Izaya risked leaning over the counter and moaning wordlessly into his ear. He recoiled almost immediately and just in time to see Shizuo cream himself.<br>"Izaya, fuck…"  
>For a second Izaya was too caught up but Shizuo was waking up so it was time for phase two of the plan, somewhere along the line he had shifted priorities from killing to riling. He chimed in his most jovial voice,<br>"Shizuo-chan! Good morning."  
>It reminded Izaya of a bear when spring rolls around and it is still clumsy from its hibernation. Shizuo blinked several times. Izaya gave him his best smile and fully enjoyed the cluelessness.<br>"What…?"  
>Izaya was borderline hyper now. Shizuo was still lost at sea.<br>"Rise and shine! It's a beautiful day outside."  
>He knew precisely when the reality of the situation clinched for Shizuo and so it was not at all surprising that a bottle should suddenly fly in his direction. Izaya caught it easily and checked the label rapidly before tucking it under his arm.<br>"Ah, thank you so much for the beer."  
>Izaya made his way to the exit but not as fast as he normally would do. Shizuo was thundering as usual.<br>"Izaya! Get back here so I can kill you!"  
>Teaching a lesson in subtlety was key now. Saving the best for last.<br>"Later, Shizuo-chan. Oh and by the way…you may want to change your pants."  
>Shizuo was rooted to the ground immediately. Izaya almost came just by the look of utter horror in his face and decided right there that he needed to see more of it.<br>"You're dead."  
>"And you were calling my name just now. Laters, Shizuo-chan."<br>Izaya waved amicably and smiled happily. He was indeed very happy. It was clear that there would be no chasing Izaya around and no throwing vending machines at him at least for the time being. But he had other reasons for taking leave. Izaya strutted but as soon as he turned a corner and was out of sight he could no longer wait. He dropped his pants and underwear, popped open the bottle and placed it next to a wall against which he leaned as he stroked himself as fast as he could. His hand was a blur and he could almost feel fell Shizuo's big thick cock fucking him. Izaya orgasmed with his name on his lips, spewing jittery semen on the littered ground and into the bottle. A wonderful way of starting the day.  
>Izaya composed himself and recapped the bottle. He might find some interesting uses for it yet.<br>"And I thought that kicking cell phones was fun! Fuck me, Shizu-chan!"  
>Izaya chuckled until he was laughing wildly. Mixing pleasure with business was a newfound goal and he was looking forward to it.<p>

Izaya remained sitting in the alley for a while, enjoying his afterglow. He cleaned the bottle and screwed the cork back on. He stretched and yawned, realizing that he had stayed up all night and well into the morning. Nothing new but Izaya felt a bit tired despite his high spirits. He gingerly walked away from the alley, humming a tune. It was very refreshing to be able to walk the Ikebukuro streets without having to keep watch out for vending machines hurling in his direction or crazy bullies mowing him down at any corner. He spotted a familiar face and picked up his pace, a wicked idea forming in his very wicked mind.  
>"Kida-kun! Good morning!"<br>Izaya liked Kida. Because Kida was afraid of him but always did his best to look chirpy as a camouflage. Izaya thought that it was a highly interesting coping device.  
>"Good morning, Orihara-san! How are you in this fine day?"<br>"Not too bad, not too bad. Oh and hi there, Mikado-kun."  
>The person in question flinched and looked around as if for a prompt. Here was another fun one.<br>"Go-ood morning, Ori-hara-san."  
>"You boys on your way to school?"<br>"Yeah! And then we're going to hit the arcade. Right, Mikado?"  
>"Sure…"<br>Izaya had to hand it out to Kida, he knew how to keep his cool.  
>"Great. Sorry I can't join you. But hey, I got a gift for you."<br>With his best smile Izaya presented the bottle. Mikado stepped behind Kida who took it from Izaya without much hesitation.  
>"Thanks a bunch, Orihara-san!"<br>"Kida, we can't have that! It's alcohol…"  
>Izaya burst out laughing.<br>"Heh, your righteous friend is right, Kida-kun. I actually wanted someone to deliver this to Shizu-chan. He's having a rough time. I'm sure you can do it for me, right?"  
>Kida hesitated momentarily and Mikado piped into very softly.<br>"But we'll be late for school…"  
>Izaya pouted in mock sadness.<br>"But Mikado-kun, I thought we were friends. And friends help each other out? Unfortunately I have errands to run and things to do. I was hoping that my pals would give me a hand in this…guess I was wrong and we aren't friends."  
>Kida stepped in with another one billion yen smile perfectly plastered on his face.<br>"Sure, we'd more than happy to help! No problem, Orihara-san! Leave it up to your humble servant."  
>Without a doubt Kida was a world of fun.<br>"I'll be counting on you, then. And please tell Shizu-chan that I am very sorry and that I'll pay for the laundry bill. He'll know what I mean."  
>"Right!"<br>Kida took the bottle, knowing that there was a catch to this but all too aware that if he did not obey, Izaya would be cross. And that was something he did not want to see.  
>"Wonderful. Before you go, word with you Kida-kun."<br>Izaya wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder and pulled him in, speaking into his ear.  
>"Now, Kida-kun. You're a smart fellow. But if you're planning to put the moves on country kid there you better hurry. Before some bad men have their way with him. Tokyo's full of them. Just some friendly advice, know what I mean? Here's a gift for you, I hope you know how to use it."<br>Izaya slipped him a condom, his conspiratorial-like attitude making him all the more conspicuous. Kida's smile grew wan and jittery. Izaya was happy. Today was a wonderful day.  
>It was with such bubbly thoughts that Izaya got home and flung himself on the futon, falling asleep immediately. His dream mind picked up right where conscious thoughts stopped.<p>

Izaya was walking down Ikebukuro, just round the Sunshine building that happened to be a giant knife with a keen blade scraping the sky. The neon drew all sorts of shapes and they changed at random. He trotted happily from vending machine to vending machine, pulling a leash around Shizu's neck which made perfect sense given that Shizu was his pet and even had dog ears to attest to. A cloud crashed against the sharp edge of the Sunshine switchblade and suddenly it was raining vodka that left Izaya's precious jacket unblemished even as it wetted Shizu completely who barked like the doggish creature he truly was.  
>"Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan!"<br>The vending machine developed wings and flew about. Izaya cackled and drank up the vodka rain. Shizu whimpered in fear.  
>Izaya gingerly sat on Shizu's back. Diving boards sprang from rooftops and Izaya landed the vending machine on one of these.<br>"Shizu-chan, time to walk the plank. Don't worry, the worst thing that can happen is falling to your death!"  
>Izaya pushed Shizu onto the board and cornered his exit route. He now sported a black eye patch, a headless parrot perched on his shoulder, his fur trimmed jacket morphing into a long robe. Shizu crawled on all fours, backing until he was tottering on the edge of the platform beyond which was a bluish neon abyss.<br>"Izaya-sama, please don't make me jump!"  
>"'Sama'! I like the sound of that."<br>Izaya hopped up and down out frantically, the board shaking along with him. He suddenly sat down and pulled Shizu's dog ears.  
>"Tell you what! I won't kick you all the way to oblivion. Isn't that nice of me? I am a highly reasonable person all things considered. With that said…serve your master. Or else!"<br>Izaya unzipped his pants and pulled Shizu's mouth to his erection. There was no need for underwear in lala land. Speaking of which, Shizu's clothes magically disappeared and were replaced by crisscrossed straps of leather. Izaya had his switchblade deftly applied to the fuzzy ears, nipping them ever so slightly.  
>"Izaya-sama!"<br>"Be a nice good boy and lick. And make it good, Shizu-chan."  
>Izaya sighed contently. Rows of binary code replaced the vodka clouds and he stared at them while Shizu sloppily worked his tongue over Izaya's cock. This was when Izaya realized that he probably was god, if his sources were correct which they most definitely were. He also realized that he now had a cat tail that felt wonderful when he bit it just the right away. The coppery taste of blood aroused him even more.<br>"Suck."  
>Izaya ignored all protests and lowered Shizu's head, shoving his full length straight into his throat. Pleasurable warmth encouraged him to thrust ahead, Shizu groaning softly. Izaya sank his teeth into his tail. Pain surged through his body and blended perfectly with his oncoming orgasm. Izaya pulled out and came all over Shizu's face. Watching the messy whitish stuff spray Shizu was as much of a thrill as climaxing.<br>"Shizu-chan, you want to have some fun as well, don't you?"  
>Shizu nodded.<br>"Sucks being you, then!"  
>Izaya lifted a vending machine and without further ado kicked Shizu off the board.<br>"And take this as a souvenir!"  
>He threw the machine over the edge and for a timeless moment watched Shizu fall, and keep falling, and still fall, the SM attire nor his startled cum smeared never losing the HD definition even as the ongoing fall went on and on.<p>

Izaya woke up to damp pants and a blood in his mouth. It took him a few seconds of staring around his empty apartment to realize that he had been dreaming and the process had bitten his lower lip. A buzzing sound alerted him to the fact that his cell phone was ringing.  
>"Orihara Izaya speaking-"<br>"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THAT BOTTLE?"  
>Izaya put some distance between the blaring phone and his sore ear. Dream Shizu-chan did not scream which was only one of the ways in which he was to be preferred to his real counterpart.<br>"Shizu-chan, you're talking too low. Can't hear you properly."  
>A loud growl followed.<br>"I-ZA-YA! DON'T YOU FUCK WITH ME, YOU LOWLIFE! I FUCKING ASKED YOU A QUESTION AND YOU'LL ANSWER ME!"  
>"Or what? See, this is why you should calm down and take a deep breath before-"<br>"HEALTH INSPECTION! THEY JUST CLOSED DOWN THE BAR! BECAUSE YOU- WHAT THE FUCK, IZAYA! I'LL KILL YOU!"  
>Izaya burst out laughing and turned on the TV where, sure enough, a news report announced that a bar in Ikebukuro had been deemed a health hazard. He could even see Shizuo in the background, gaping until his cigarette fell out of his mouth.<br>"Shizu-chan, you're on TV!"  
>"YOU'RE DEAD! FUCKING DEAD! YOU GOT THAT? YOU ARE DEAD!"<br>"Aye, I read you loud and clear. But mostly loud. Which reminds me, I had a great dream just now. You were in it and-"  
>"FUCK YOU! I'LL GET YOU EVEN IF I HAVE TO DEMOLISH THE ENTIRE CITY!"<br>Izaya discarded pants and soggy underwear. He was getting horny all over again.  
>"And then?"<br>"I'LL KILL YOU! BREAK YOUR NECK-"  
>"And bite my tail too…nya."<br>Shizuo was confused into silence.  
>"What the hell are you going on about now?"<br>Izaya was stroking himself rapidly now, his hand a blur up and down his cock.  
>"Bite my tail, Shizu-chan…bite it off…."<br>"Are you shitting me, Izaya? You think you're funny?"  
>The screaming was gone but Izaya knew that Shizuo was at his most dangerous when he seemed quiet.<br>"Funny, no, but hot enough to make you jizz your pants…Shizu, so good-"  
>"What the hell are you doing?"<br>Only now did Shizuo notice the raspy undertone and breathy moans on the other side of the line.  
>"Jerking off."<br>"You are dead. Oh, you are so, so, so dead."  
>Izaya came loudly, meowing into the receiver and shooting his seed without caring where it fell or what it splashed.<br>"Shizu-chan…I wanna cut your doggy ears."  
>There was only silence. Izaya was sad, thinking that Shizu was gone when he was proved wrong.<br>"Izaya-kun, thank you. Didn't think you'd be stupid enough to actually stay on the line long enough for me to pin down your location. So I'll be seeing you very soon, Izaya-kun."  
>The phone went dead on him. Izaya's eyebrow twitched. He could hear heavy steps.<br>"No way. Eh? No way!"  
>Orihara Izaya paled considerably. It was time to make a run for it. All and all, a normal day in his unusual life.<p> 


End file.
